This post is one of my deeper digs into my psyche since I haven’t done that much as of late. Wasn’t intentional. Just been going with current events in my life.
First off, let me inform you that my three-day free eBook promo turned out far more successful than I could’ve hoped for. I was hoping for somewhere around 1,000 free downloads, but I more than doubled that with a final tally of 2,103. There was a lot of jaw-dropping and whispers of thanks to whatever’s out there, and to the people who downloaded my book. Hopefully this promo will build steam in regular sales. I’m hoping for the best while I continue drafting the current book I’m working on. One thing I constantly remind myself to do: hope and strive for great things yet have no expectations.
My ebook is back up for regular sale on amazon (see my About page) with the paperback version available universally. My ePublisher and I will watch and see how April unfolds before we make more decisions come May. Do we keep the eBook an amazon.com exclusive or not? If so, should we do another round of free promos? What other ways do we need to pursue to generate exposure? And so forth… Lots of questions, but right now all we can do is sit, wait, and work. And wonder.
Ah, uncertainty. No mortal escapes your merciless grasp. Ironically, the more we squirm, the hard you hold, yet the more we relax and accept, the swifter you move on and out of our lives. So why, when I know this, do I still worry so much?
Habit certainly. Feeling a dire need to know. Craving certainty. Wanting to be sure everything will turn out okay.
It’s a habit I’m trying to break. I distract myself with writing, gaming, roller blading, and some TV (not an avid Tv-watcher, but I’ve watched more since I’ve become jobless), however, sometimes the worrying is determined to run its course. All things shall pass. So do my stress spikes. I don’t think it’s humanly possible to avoid them; just keep ’em short. Just say “Oh, well. This too shall pass.” And it does.
Not always knowing forces us to take gambles and make decisions. If we knew every possible outcome of every choice we made, how dull would that be? So we know nothing, follow our gut, and our lives unfold. What certainty do we need? Anything? Nothing? Just one or two things? Come to think of it, this might be a philosophical question. I don’t mind philosophy to an extent. Once I reach a certain point, I have to stop thinking and wondering and just start doing. Philosophy has this habit of question-debate, question-debate, and not a whole lot action.
The whole assurance deal with everything turning out okay… I go back and forth on whether or not this is true. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. I think of the Sandy Hook shooting, just an hour from my house. Crap like that is supposed to happen in faraway places, not towns I’ve driven through a zillion times. How can you tell the kids who died that day that everything is going to be alright? Maybe that saying doesn’t apply to the individual but humanity as a whole. I wholeheartedly believe everything will turn out okay for humanity, despite all the pessimism. As for individuals? Well, stressing over whether or not I’ll be lucky enough to have everything turn out alright hasn’t helped one bit. Doubt it will for you either. So hope for the best and believe your positive actions will pay off for the greater good. We are all one of a whole.
So… bearing all that in mind, how do I create stability? I’m trying to turn my life’s passion of writing into a paying career. Person after person gives me a skeptical look when I tell them this. Heck, even on Thursday, one of my neighbors informed me that my goal is a hard thing to accomplish, and she said it in a tone that conveyed she believes I’m wasting my time. At least when I told her that I have to try, her perspective on things did a 180. Apparently it’s so easy for people to forget that we all must try no matter the odds. No one can argue against honest effort.
Here’s a piece of classical music I sometimes play when stressing out: