Ash Ben De Korbet (ABDK)—Viking for “we are all going to die”—is the second guild I belonged to for a long time. It was a pretty darn good group of people with a dirty sense of humor, and I have a lot of fond memories of that guild.
I remember a few of us chatting on Vent and Tessa was leveling her Druid and hit 69.
“Oo, I like this level. I might stay here a while.”
“Why?” I asked, which received laughter.
“Midget, do you not know what a sixty nine is?”
My friends then went on to explain the sexual position known as the 69, and thus I was enlightened a bit more as to what went on in bedrooms. The same group of people also taught me what a Dutch rudder is, of which one of the guys insisted didn’t make a man gay. I remember his wife laughing at him and my blank-faced shock. The things people did that I’d never known about…
The husband, whose real life name and toon name are beyond my recall, also warned me to never have sex on the beach. “You’ll get sand everywhere you don’t want it, even if you lie on a blanket.”
“How did you manage to have sex on the beach?” Me being the shy, naive person, I wouldn’t want anyone watching.
“It was the middle of the night and we snuck on.”
It sounded sort of romantic but I don’t think I could ever muster the courage and gall to have sex in a public location. I’ll stick with being prudently boring.
I believe the same guild introduced me to porn. I knew beforehand that it existed but I’d never watched any. My guildies poked fun at me for it and told me the names of a couple of free sites. It was more curiosity than peer pressure that led to my typing of these sites’ names in my Google search bar.
After typing in my birthday in the loose age check page, I stared in morbid fascination at a screen covered in boobs, bare bodies, open mouths ready to receive a protein shot, and all sorts of other things I’d never seen presented like that before.
I stripped myself of my innocence with video after video. I found all of it exciting at first, but the more I watched and learned, the less I liked porn. Women taking it in the rear was a turnoff. Good god, that’s where fecal matter excretes from! Why on earth would you want a guy sticking his manhood in there? Blow jobs were another turnoff but that seemed to be the only thing so many people did. And—oh dear lord, they swallow that stuff? That’s so gross! And why do people remove every last article of clothing, except their socks?
“You’re feet get cold sometimes,” one of my guildies said offhandedly.
At that point in my life, I had to take her word for it, but it seemed so silly to create a porn video and wear nothing but socks.
Socks aside, another thing that puzzled me was how much women moaned in the videos.
“Oh, they do that all the time, and they’re usually faking it.”
“It’s a turn-on for men.”
I didn’t watch very much porn, liking it less and less with every video. It seemed so derogatory and disrespectful towards women. They were always taking it in the mouth or the rear, the videos focused too much on their bouncing boobs, and men merely grunted while their bodies slapped together and the women moaned with fake ecstasy. There seemed to be a distinct lack of love or romance, something of which I’d been severely lacking up to that point in my life.
On a more romantic note two guildies were getting married soon, so we decided to schedule a mock wedding in game. WoW has clothing not only for running around and killing stuff, but also vanity attire for parties and such. The future husband donned a purple robe, the future wife a dashing white dress, and a guild Priest (no, not in the religious sense; there’s a Priest class) wore some robes fitting for the occasion. Everyone else who had vanity attire dressed up as well and we gathered on a floating island in Nagrand.
As silly as it was, the moment was rather touching, since they were getting married in reality. I felt happy for them and hoped that’d be me one year soon.